This is my year to get outta my own way–to figure how to like myself and set the mental bullshit aside. That statement I just made is absolutely true…when I’m in my new happy place. Today I took a little detour and went back to my hometown of “I suck!” But I’m really sick of “I suck!” so I’m going to find a way outta that place for good. Which means I’m going to have to start being fully me when I’m communicating with you.
Whatever I share with you is always authentic and true–the things I’ve learned, my struggles, what I’ve discovered that works for me–it’s 100% true. It’s just that sometimes you hear it in a way that is totally me…and sometimes not. Being my real self, showcasing my whole personality is a real make-me-want-to-vomit fear.
As long as I can possibly remember I’ve always thought about and approached things a little different than most…or least I’ve always felt I have. I was forever misinterpreting those ridiculous story problems and ended up with the wrong answer. I’d read an article and have a different take and understanding of the message than what was intended. What I thought was valuable info, most others didn’t. What I liked the best, few of my friends did. I was forever the skeptic that wasn’t ever completely on board with the plan. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I always went with the plan, but it seemed I always had serious doubts. Always against the tide, but never strong enough to keep swimming against it anyway. Wanting desperately to be unique and at the same time fearing being different.
I’m finding this is exactly what is happening to me as I try to find a place to fit in the health and fitness world. I have some very strong and different opinions than the mainstream. Some of those ideas being:
- Your workout needs to be so hard you puke or feel faint. In Carrie world: Puking means your body is NOT happy folks. Seems to me workouts that do that…or trainers that pride themselves on making you puke…would best be avoided.
- No pain, no gain! In Carrie world: Nuh-uh!! Health should feel good! When you are sore it means you’ve had microtears in your muscle fibers…you need some recovery for those muscles to heal. If you are sore all the damn time you aren’t healing! That isn’t good for a body. Does never eating a fucking cookie or having a drink feel good to you? Sure as hell doesn’t to me! Guess what?! I’m healthy and I, in fact, DO eat cookies and enjoy adult beverages.
- Follow this plan…this way of eating and this way of moving…and you are guaranteed to lose weight. In Carrie world: I call bullshit!! There is no way any one product or person knows YOU and every little idiosyncratic thing about you…or about all the variables and stresses in your life. You are the only person who can know YOU and guarantee your results. Stop buying into that sales pitch!!
- Any platitude or advice out there that says you MUST do this or follow this rule. In Carrie world: No I most certainly do NOT. I can eat carbs after 4 pm. I can eat bread. I can eat three squares or 5-6 small meals or any way that works for me and brings me success.
- Be positive all the time and put a positive spin on everything. In Carrie world: You mean I can’t be pissed and just be that way? You mean instead of feeling ridiculously upset when someone I trusted let me down I should focus on the door opening instead? Nope, nada, nocando, no effing way I’m living like that! I’m evolved enough to know that wallowing in negative emotions will get me nowhere, but I AM allowed to feel what I feel, have no apologies for that, and when I’m ready and able, grow from the experience. We have feelings for a reason and I’m gonna be feeling my feelings thankyouverymuch!
You get the idea by now I’m guessing. So, starting right now with this post you’re getting the real deal–the real me no matter how scary that is for me. I’ve hit the point in my life when I’m sick of being afraid of letting people know exactly who I am. Fuck it! I’m going for it! And I hope you reach a point where you are ready to shed that fear (whatever it is!!) and go for it, too!